I realized something this morning. I realized that my definition of myself has changed over the years. I have always identified myself by the roles which I play in society, instead of who I really am, and what I love doing. Let me me explain…

When I have a lot of things to get done, I will typically break those things into categories. Looking back at my old notes, my categories were defined by my societal roles. I didn’t feel like I was getting things done unless I was playing my role well. It burned me out.  For a long time.

Only recently did I begin to lose those definitions.  I don’t feel like I’m bound by definitions, rather, I’m trying as hard as I can to live up to my own values, and follow my own heart, and do what I feel is truly right for me and my family.

Recently, I had a crisis of sorts, where I felt like I was looked over for a position that I felt I was well suited for in a department I helped build.  Looking at it now, I’m glad I didn’t get this position.  It’s not something I would have been well suited for.  But it messed me up for a while.  I thought, “If I’m not suited for this position, what am I good for?”  I was letting my role of “supervisor” define who I was.  Not getting this position was one of the best things for me.  When I felt like I had been shut out, I realized that I had only been looking at that door.  I realized that I was in a room full of doors and windows, and that it was up to me to create my own destiny, as opposed to letting an organization define who I am, or what I’m worth.

I had been letting what I do define me, as opposed to who I am.  Who I am has very little to do with that position or title, but I wanted it.  I was wrong.  I didn’t get it, and I’m glad, because here I am today. Enlightened and working on what’s next.